Slaying the Dreamer

Loudly

2008-12-24T23:27:15Z

23:17 I work tomorrow and Friday. #
23:18 @peapodjumpup I work too. I feel the pain too. #
23:20 Finished wrapping for the year. Faxed my umuc application in today. #
23:21 Bed time. Wish it wasn't alone again. #
23:22 Tomorrow after work it's more job searching. And working on a graphic design portfolio #

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kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-23T16:00:00

2008-12-23T21:11:22Z

I think I need a few days off to relax.
That isn;t going to happen anytime soon.
My boss wants be to work midnight to 6:30am on january 2nd.

kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-22T21:54:00

2008-12-23T03:16:42Z

So I waited another 15 minutes and she called to say she was pulling into the lot.
We ended up going to Applebees because Legends was closed.
We ordered dinner and made some small talk.
She said she wanted to see a movie on Christmas Eve. I told her I would have to think about it.
So from 8:45pm to about 9:30 pm was our little get together. Not very long huh. I'm home now.
Tired, confused, longing for the days when she would kiss me just because.
I did find out she was telling the truth about norman. his daughter was sick and he was really upset about it and needed help closing the pharmacy down because he was on the phone with his wife. It's kinda nice having my brother working there too. He checked on things.
Jenn mentioned that she thinks my brother Jay doesn't like her very much.
I asked her if her brother would like me if I had made her so unhappy and heartbroken as I've been. She said nothing in reply.
I'm not sure if it will get better. I understand that I was her first real boyfriend, etc.
We still have a good time when we do hang out but it's note easy for me. It pains me knowing she'll hug me or hold my hand but wont kiss my they way she used to or wont stay the night with me anymore. Her constantly saying " ou know I don't want anything serious" makes me truly sad.

Why am I unlovable?

Loudly

2008-12-22T23:14:07Z

23:15 This little broken heart needs some mending. Where's my Florence nightengale? #

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Loudly

2008-12-21T23:12:28Z

20:01 At science class #
20:02 Glad finals are over. Looking into a ba program now. #
20:02 At science class #
12:31 At work. Hoping for a good storm to shut things down. Evwryone could use a snow day #

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kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-20T20:39:00

2008-12-21T01:51:02Z

Right now I don't want to get into a relationship with someone new.
I just hurt too much. I love too much.
But sometimes I feel lonely and want someone to snuggle up with.
I know I shouldn't and I don't.

kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-20T20:32:00

2008-12-21T01:43:46Z

Today was just a long day at work. It was so busy.
There is a forecast for bad weather tonight and I guess people are scared and want to get thier shopping done before the storm.

survey

2008-12-19T15:49:43Z

. Name:
2. Age/Birthday:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Rapper/Artist:
7. Favorite Book/Comic Book:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Favorite TV Show:
10. Favorite Video Game/Board Game:
11. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
12. Would you give me a kidney?
13. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
14. If you could change anything about your current life, would you?
15. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
16. Do I make you horny? Do I?
17. Earth, Air, Fire, or Water? Why?
18. Would you change anything about me?
19. Favorite moment in time:

Loudly

2008-12-15T23:15:01Z

19:43 It's been a happy day #

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kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-15T17:06:00

2008-12-15T22:17:45Z

Today was ok. Jenn worked as a cashier so she got to say hi to me when I went to my office.

The past two days have been nice.
Slow and all but nice.
I actually had some time to relax.
Finals this week. Can't wait to be done.

Loudly

2008-12-14T23:16:56Z

16:16 At the Westminster station. Egg not latte mm mmmmm #

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Loudly

2008-12-12T23:13:45Z

16:55 I was supposed to do something today after work but I forget. I may just play some fable and see if some friends want to go to wm station #

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Loudly

2008-12-11T23:11:24Z

11:34 Work until 130. Then nap time :) #
11:35 Thanks. It very well. #

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kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-10T22:04:00

2008-12-11T03:13:58Z

I think I aced my presentation

Loudly

2008-12-10T23:15:01Z

19:43 Out a bit early from school gotta get a graphic design portfolio together. #
12:53 Environmental presentation tonight :) hope I do as well as I think I will #

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Loudly

2008-12-09T23:15:03Z

18:50 Sccience class time #

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Loudly

2008-12-07T23:12:16Z

11:51 Off to work #
17:22 at work bored as hell. I need a job in graphic design #
17:23 @tricey_weesey I want some :) #
17:24 @decoystars I'm getting a new one in the next couple days #

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kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-06T22:48:00

2008-12-07T03:59:04Z

Work was boring.
I have to do it again tomorrow. My entire weekend is screwed.
The weather was too nasty to go out tonight. I passed several bad accidents on the way home.
So, here I am sitting here alone. I wish I had someone to snuggle up with.

Loudly

2008-12-05T23:59:49Z

18:31 Wondering why people are so unreliable. #
18:40 What does everyone want for Christmas or hannukah? #

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kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-05T17:50:00

2008-12-05T23:01:47Z

I've got to put my poster together for my Environmental Science class.
In the span of 10 minutes Jenn texted me, made plans to see me tonight and then broke them because "her mom is in a bad mood and didn't sound like she wanted anyone over".
flakes annoy me. :/

kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-05T16:47:00

2008-12-05T21:56:52Z

been way too busy. cant wait until finals are done and i can actually get some sleep.

kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-03T18:07:00

2008-12-03T23:17:41Z

Today i wake up to the cable being out. Therefore I had no internet. Of course it haapens on the day I plan on working on my final project and my lab write up.
So I get dressed and hop in the car.
I did some Christmas shopping. Mark and Chris are done. Now I have Jason Mom and Cal.
I picked up some small gifts for other friends and family too.
I also spent a bit of money on myself.
There was a nice warm shirt on sale that I bought. It was 1/2 price. It's cold and my wardrobe consists of jeans and screen print tees. Tees aren't very warm this time of year.
Then I bough season 2 of House on DVD since it was only $14. I also picked up the second Narnia movie.
Then I had a small text conversation with Jenn. After someone had told me to call her on sunday I opted to text her and see if she actually would follow through on her offer to hang out. She didn't. Said she had a group project. I only replied ok. Nothing more.
She said that she didn't blow me off on Monday and that she really did have a group project to do and that she missed me.
She also said she missed my family too that they were always so warm and welcoming.
She was the only girl that my entire family approved of and really liked.
I told her to call me after finals are done. that I need her to make the effort to see me if I mean anything to her.
So I've kinda been in a weird mood.
I wasn't expecting to hear from her. She said she just needed time to think and be with her family. I've only seen her in passing at work once or twice in a month and even then there were no words.
I'm about to head to class. Hopefully I have internet when I go home. I've still got some things I need to look up online.

kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-01T19:43:00

2008-12-02T00:52:47Z

kinnoryuu82 @ 2008-12-01T18:23:00

2008-12-01T23:32:45Z

I'm bitter, heartbroken and lonely.

kinnoryuu82 @ 2007-11-07T23:01:00

2007-11-08T04:10:40Z

Works been busy. I got some help for the holidays though. Very smart and organised help.
A cool person as well.

I talked to Madeline for a few minutes tonight. Just small talk. I asked her if she wanted to get together sometime soon. She said maybe. That she she had to work a lot this weekend. I dunno how to take it. I've heard so many lines I don't know what to believe. Either she's genuinely busy or just not interested anymore.

I dunno.

I wish I could read people better. Maybe I'll take some more psych classes in the future.

Schools going ok. I'm gonna register for new classes soon. Science and math. that's all I'll take next semester. Working full time makes it too difficult to do full time.

I feel drained.

More than anything in the world I just want true life long companionship. And that seems to be the most elusive dream I've ever had.